For parents diagnosed with cancer one of the first concerns is how and what to tell the kids. Some feel very uncertain about using the word cancer fearing it may be too scary. Perhaps it might remind the children of someone they may have known who died of cancer? Others worry that if they don’t tell their kids they will hear it anyway, perhaps in a school playground or some other situation - often embellished with incorrect information.
Reviewing the literature of this important and often difficult subject it seems that the best general advice is to be honest and open – give kids a brief explanation – a summary of the facts. Adding that you will update them as you find out more is reassuring. Children also need to know who will be there for them if you are in hospital or feeling unwell during treatment. You are the expert in your own children and will have the best idea of how they may react according to their personality. They may find seeing treatment machines or visiting the chemo room at the hospital is helpful – check with the nurses if you can bring them in. Take up offers from friends to help with practical needs eg transporting kids to sports practices, or the delivery of some ready-cooked meals to save your energy, and allow you more time with your family.
There are some excellent books available to help you understand your children’s reactions, and storybooks written for younger children, which explain cancer in basic terms. Children explore and express their feelings through play. Stories and books can be a great tool to help you in explaining that what is happening to you may be similar (or different) to the character in the book.
The Cancer Society Wellington’s latest issue of CanTalk newsletter has a great article by Tricia Irving Hendry from skylight (the excellent organisation supporting kids and young teenagers through change, loss and grief situations), also information on art therapy.
Call the cancer information nurses 0800 CANCER (226237) or email info@cancersoc.org.nz if you’d like to borrow books from our library or be directed to web information.
We’d love to hear your experiences too – what has worked for you as a parent, or any questions you may have. Please post your comments here.
Thanks. Julie, Cancer Information Nurse
