Death Flashbacks

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    Hi all, my name is Steve.

    My Father was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia (AML) on the 1st of March 2019 and he passed away on the 3rd of April.

    He was told a few days after the diagnosis that the cancer had spread to his brain and his cancer was non-treatable.

    He went downhill pretty quickly in the hospital, he was weak and bed-bound and after about 10 days we decided to move to a hospice. The hospital told us Dad might have 3-5 days in the hospice.

    Somehow Dad improved in the hospice. He managed to start walking again and started to seem a bit like his old self. We had two amazing weeks at the hospice and he had improved so much the hospice said that he should look at going home and we, as a family, were ecstatic.

    Unfortunately something happened between him being discharged from the hospice and the ambulance ride home.
    When he got home he was back to square one and my Mother and I ended up trying to provide palliative care for the last week of his life.

    That week was the hardest and most horrific week of my life. I’m struggling with what happened to him in that week. I’m second guessing every decision I made and wracked with guilt that I failed him.

    I’m also haunted by specific things that happened to him as he approached his passing and I don’t know how to deal with it.

    Does anyone know what I should to help me live myself?

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