December 13, 2017 at 2:42 pm #1321
i was diagnosed on the 10th April with colon cancer which had mestastacised to my liver,lungs and bone. It was a death sentence undiagnosed by my Gp for a year.
When i was first diagnosed i was extremely ill and needed to have chemo immediately to have any assistance to any future.
I decided to do so as i have 3 children and seven grandchildren.
Whilst all the tests and chemo/radiation had been taking place my family were there as much as they could be. Taking time off work helping me to get to appointments and generally being there for me.
I stopped taking chemo after four sessions as it made me feel completely shattered and oh so very ill. I made the ultimate decision not to have any more and to live my remaining days with a quality of life over the quantity the Dr’s could give.
Here i am some several months later and starting once more to experience all the symptoms over again as i had prior to chemo (to be expected)
The pain is constant in the liver especially as the capsule is very enlarged and it is very uncomfortable. The bowel thank goodness is still working and no blockage for which i am extremely grateful for.
So as i say here i am, but i have found that my family have pulled back and never ask the questions “how are you Mum” “Is your pain being managed” “Is there anything we can do for you”
I feel quite alone in this struggle i have every day, and as a parent we do not want to burden our loved ones as i know they will have so much to deal with after i am gone, and indeed even now living with a Mum who has an upcoming expiration date.
Question is ” How do i get their support without having to ask them for it “? part of me feels i really should not have to ask as it should be something they want to do rather than a necessary action on their part.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.December 14, 2017 at 12:35 pm #1325
Thank you for your honest and heartfelt post. Sometimes it is difficult for family watching someone they love going through tough times like this. They may not want to impose or may not know what to do. At times like this being really clear about what you need can be very helpful.
It can be really difficult to ask for help but reading other people’s minds or expecting them to read our mind often leads to confusion or resentment as we often get it wrong. In these situations clarity of your expectations and needs, and clarity from your family of what they can or can’t provide helps everyone know what is going on.
VivJanuary 17, 2019 at 9:34 am #1512
I appreciate your situation and teared up when I read about what you are going through. I’m in a similar situation myself and even tho my diagnosis was very negative initially, I had enough support to satisfy what I needed at the time, and because of a combination of kemo and alternative therapies, I am improving day by day and sadly, getting less support, when really I need just as much now as I did before.
Also, I have to realise that people are not mind readers.
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